The Prodigal Ant is Back...

It has been more than a month since my last update - or at least a semblance of an update.

The ant has been busy - and uninspired (or just plain lazy) - for the past weeks. Besides that, nothing eventful really happened.

Well, I did have my birthday last month but even that was not so note-worthy. I started out planning to go out bowling with the family but last minute changes and a sick nephew prevented us from pushing through with it and my parents and I ended up eating out in a mall.

I haven't been going to yoga sessions for well over a month, I guess, and I am starting to feel the weight coming back and the lethargy setting in. I really, really need to get back to working out. Though I've really been taking it slow for quite some time now as I have been beginning to notice asthma attack precursors showing up - due mainly to weather changes and work-related stress.

Speaking of work, it hasn't been rosy at the work place either. I had to make major man-power decisions and is looking at making another this week. All these aside from the numerous reports, process monitoring, performance evaluation, training development & implementation and other non-work-essential-but-work-related projects.

On the flip side, though, I have gained some headway on my comic collection - what with the recent opening of a local online comic book store. Truly, a boon from the gods - and a bane to my savings account!

Which is actually why I am sitting on the fence with regards to moving on and quitting my job at this point. No job at this time means no extra money for X-Men, Ultimates, Justice League and Birds of Prey. Sigh - the things one has to consider to make life more interesting.

And in a few more days, Christmas will be upon us - and the SMAP, or Samahang Malaming ang Pasko (which I am currently the Mother Superior of), will have its annual retreat. Oh, how I would love to not be a member of this group this year! Any takers?

So, I've pretty much covered updating the more important aspects of my life on this post.

Hopefully, something good and exciting is brewing up just around the corner for the next few days or weeks before we finally say goodbye to 2011 and say hello to 2012.

So, the Ant is back... for now...

Between a Rock and Into the Fire

Okey, so I have my idioms all mixed up. But that is how my life at work is right now - all mixed up!

First, I am working towards a promotion. I may be way over my head with this one, though. Turns out the opening was for a more senior position than what I applied for. Although my boss did promise to short-list me, still it's a long shot but I am crossing my fingers. And I am definitely not counting my chickens until they're hatched.

Second, my fellow officers and myself are working towards letting go of one of our staff. We're burning the midnight oil going through the motions - documentation, performance reviews, etc. Still, the devil is in the details. It's about a behavior we have observed in the past but one that we all kept aside hoping it won't harm anyone - out of sight, out of mind. Boy, were we wrong! And now upper management has given the go signal to give the person the pink slip because the behavior is already hurting operations.

Third, I found out something this afternoon that may well be another monster rearing it's ugly head. Although I can't act directly on the situation, having a knowledge of the events that happened, albeit from a second-party source, and doing nothing about it may well be construed as complicity. Therein lies the rub. To squeal or not to squeal, that is the question.

Ay, caramba!

Finding my Quiet Space

I was finally able to take a much needed vacation last week. We had a two-day off late last week because of the Chinese New Year and I took that chance to fulfill a long-time dream - that of visiting Ilocos, specifically Vigan in Ilocos Sur and Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte.

After more than 10 hours of travel by bus and another 30 minutes of travel by trike to the resort, I was greeted by the cold salty wind coming from the sea. Tired from the travel, I fought the temptation to hit the beach that early (I checked in at around 9am) and tried to get some sleep.

By lunch time, my inner mermaid got the better of me and I decided to check out the water. It was soooo cold! Imagine, I was on the beach from 12 noon to around 3 in the afternoon, with my jacket on! I couldn't even dip my feet in the water.


The wind was strong and waves after waves washed ashore - crest after crest of long waves, frothing and foaming.


I decided to walk along the beach because I saw that the area had a very long coastline.

At one portion of the coastline, I found this quiet little piece of the sea, protected from the waves by the rocks and corals.


Within this quiet area were pools filled with algae, small fish darting through holes in the rocks, white ghost crabs, tiny starfishes and every little creature taking advantage of the lull in the turbulent sea.


I envied these creatures. They have found their quiet space where they can rest, regain their strength and face the troubled lives they were meant to live in the open seas with renewed spirits.


Although I came out of that vacation equipped with the knowledge that the new year was going to be a good one, I still would want to have a constant place to crawl into where I can lick my wounds, heal and come out stronger and wiser.

January is Almost Over

Ang bilis - isang buwan na ang lumipas sa 2011!

And February is just around the corner.

Really excited about February, though. Ang daming naka-plano:

- a well-deserved back-packing 4-day vacation alone way up north
- another musical to look forward to watching
- re-visiting an annual festival somewhere in Central Luzon with friends
- possibly a trip abroad for training



It's going to be a crazy month, definitely, with Valentine's day fast approaching (segue lang).


A friend of mine in FB said sana yung February 14 na lang ang wala sa kalendaro kapag hindi leap year, para every four years na lang sine-celebrate ang Valentine's day.


With a full admission of my bitterness, nag-like ako sa post nya!

World's AIDS Day - the Yoga For Life Way

December 2008. It was the first World's AIDS Day that I attended. And I swore that it was going to be my last...

Fast forward November 2010. The day before December 1 (Tuesday), I texted our yogi and asked whether it was OK for me to do yoga practice the day before my CD4 extraction. He said it was.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

On December 1, I was called to an emergency meeting scheduled for 6PM. Normally, I would have made a fuss about the timing but I accepted the meeting invite without second thoughts.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

Later that day, the meeting was re-scheduled for 4:30PM and finished a few minutes past 6PM. I left the office quarter past 6. I was expecting to reach Ortigas from Ayala way past 7pm as usually happens.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

Lo and behold! No traffic along EDSA! And I made it to Ortigas quarter before 7!

I could not make any more excuse to attend another World AIDS Day event!

And I am glad that all my excuses came to naught.

Filipinos have a saying: "wag kang magsalita ng tapos". And this was proven on the second World AIDS Day that I attended.

I was more than happy that I came. Aside from actually disclosing my "kapusitan", the Yoga for Life activity for WAD gave me a more positive (no pun intended) experience of this event.

One of the things that stuck with me about that evening were the words: "times are changing". And indeed they are.

Gone are the days when WAD is about death and suffering.

What struck me most was that during that WAD celebration, we were actually doing that - CELEBRATING!

Celebrating our own lives - whether positive or negative. Celebrating the lives of those who have gone on ahead of us by living our lives as healthy as they wished they could have had they been given the same chance that we PLWHA are being given now.

I do not regret disclosing my HIV status during that YFL session. It was a step for me in finally accepting my status not just in my mind and heart but in my words as well.

Times are changing indeed.

Weight Gain

I am gaining weight.

After going through body wasting a few years back, you would think I would be happy knowing that I am gaining weight. But, honestly, I am not happy at all.

I need to control my weight. My last cholesterol and triglyceride results show borderline values - side-effects of my ARVs.

Fat distribution is also a problem. I'm shaped like a pear standing on two sticks right now.

I really should take my Yoga for Life practice seriously. I already missed two weeks of yoga practice because of work. And speaking of work, it doesn't help that I have been rendering 4 - 5 hours of overtime each day for the past three to four weeks.

Back Up

Last week, I was asked to present an update of our Manila operations somewhere in Southeast Asia.

 

Whenever it's my first time to be in a particular hotel, I always check the toilet first - the toilet says a lot about an establishment.

The one I stayed in had a nice toilet.

However, if you look closely at the toiletries provided, there is one essential item missing...

Good thing I always have back-up.

Got to Get Away!

This week has not been fun at all!

Annual appraisals are due soon and I haven't even started doing my team's individual appraisals.

I need to complete a presentation for a meeting late next week but I don't even have the necessary data and I only have two days next week to be at the office.

My team members are acting juvenile and I don't have the time to sit down with them and discuss their issues.

I am due for a CD4 extraction a few weeks from now but I have been stressed and lacking in sleep in the past weeks that I am afraid my CD4 might have gone down a bit.

I need a rest. No, I need a vacation!

Potential

I was browsing through Chris Guillebeau's site again and came across another piece of gem.

In this article, he writes about potential - how a lot of people have it - and why only a few of these people actually make it big time. Chris' article focuses on these successful people's tenacity - the will to carry on and persevere despite all odds.

As an engineer, whenever I hear the word "potential", the mental picture that I have is that of a roller coaster at the very top of the crest, when all "kinetic" energy has been "used up" to drive the cart to the top and the cart will thus have "maximum potential".

However, unless the cart go down the rails, its energy will remain "potential". It can never be transformed to "kinetic" energy - imagine what those thrill-riders would feel if they would be left on the top of the rail!

As a supervisor in-charge of developing my direct reports, I have made it a point to identify potentials - technical capabilities, leadership abilities, time-management skills, etc. However, turning these potentials into productive projects and processes can be overwhelming and daunting.

Since I have already made up my mind to leave the company I am currently working for, I have taken myself to task to ensure that I develop leaders from my team in the event that I decide to call it quits (or my body asks for time-off).

I have also been looking at my own potentials vis-a-vis my condition as a person living with the virus. I have been considering what I really want to do with my life and what limits I have to set to ensure that I do not tax my body unnecessarily.

Simultaneous with my efforts to build a strong pool of potential replacements at work, I have been taking entrepreneurship classes whenever I can and exercising my mind to come up with viable business plans.

At this point, these are all plans and proposals, but hey, as Chris Guillebeau once said, two-steps forward, one-step back will eventually take me to the finish line.