Stream of Life

Stream of Life
Eternally flowing...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Close to Normal

I hate crying in public - don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with machismo or anything, but crying is so messy.

Anyway, that was not the point...

Was able to catch Atlantis Production's Next to Normal.

Powerful cast - Menchu Lauchengco-Yulo, Felix Rivera, Bea Garcia, Jett Pangan and Markki Stroem - who's voices and emotions came across clearly, gave me goose bumps.

The song that hit me most - and led to a tiny tsunami to gush forth from my eyes - was "Maybe". Some of the lines are as follows:

I don’t need a life that’s normal
That’s way too far away
But something next to normal
Would be okay
Yeah, something next to normal
That’s the thing I’d like to try
Close enough to normal
To get by

That's what I am living right now - something next to normal. Normal is too far away.

But next to normal is ok with me, close enough to normal to get by...

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I was saddened to hear about the news of the Fil-Aussie artist who was held at the airport and reportedly "banned" from entering the country because of his HIV status.

Though I was in a hurry to get to work this morning and rushing through my breakfast, I had to stop and listen intently on what was being discussed on TV.

Dr. Belimac mentioned the word "ignorant" sometime during the discussion and I couldn't help but completely agree with him. Although his word was not directed to one person or institution - it was more of a general description about the level of awareness of laws covering PLWHA.

Still, I felt a small knot in my belly listening to the story.

We are not completely out of the dark yet.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Crossing the Bridge

I thought it was going to be difficult - telling my bestfriend about my HIV status. I did it this morning, at Banchetto, over bottled water, with the smell of pork barbecue wafting through the air.

Nobody knows about my HIV status other than my immediate family and my company's HR Director. I never felt the need to disclose to any of my friends or co-workers. I am living a productive, contented life. I have my family for emotional support and my ARV meds and treatment hub doctors for medical support.

So why tell my bestfriend?

I honestly do not know the answer.

We have been friends since we were little girls (hehehe) - classmates from grade school through high school. He went green in college. I went maroon. We saw little of each other during college and kept in touch occasionally (this was way back when cellphones were non-existent - for the common tao, at least).

A few years after graduation, he left for Singapore. I'd see him when I go to SG or whenever he comes back home for a vacation.

When we do see each other, we'd be spending hours together laughing about remembered shared funny moments in our lives, talking about non-essential stuff we've been through the times we were not together and dropping little tidbits of personal matters here and there.

He came back earlier this year to pursue his passion for culinary arts. He is taking a one year certification course in, well, cooking something and baking something.

I knew right away that I had to tell him.

That opportunity came this morning.

And it was easy.

People were all around us so I had to use my phone and wrote "I am HIV+" and showed him.

He hugged me - two straight acting gay guys hugging in public - I wish I could have seen us!

We talked about it more in the next hour or so.

I don't intend to tell any of my other friends about my status. I don't need to.

I have my bestfriend by my side.

And he is enough.