Stream of Life

Stream of Life
Eternally flowing...

Sunday, September 26, 2010


I was browsing through Chris Guillebeau's site again and came across another piece of gem.

In this article, he writes about potential - how a lot of people have it - and why only a few of these people actually make it big time. Chris' article focuses on these successful people's tenacity - the will to carry on and persevere despite all odds.

As an engineer, whenever I hear the word "potential", the mental picture that I have is that of a roller coaster at the very top of the crest, when all "kinetic" energy has been "used up" to drive the cart to the top and the cart will thus have "maximum potential".

However, unless the cart go down the rails, its energy will remain "potential". It can never be transformed to "kinetic" energy - imagine what those thrill-riders would feel if they would be left on the top of the rail!

As a supervisor in-charge of developing my direct reports, I have made it a point to identify potentials - technical capabilities, leadership abilities, time-management skills, etc. However, turning these potentials into productive projects and processes can be overwhelming and daunting.

Since I have already made up my mind to leave the company I am currently working for, I have taken myself to task to ensure that I develop leaders from my team in the event that I decide to call it quits (or my body asks for time-off).

I have also been looking at my own potentials vis-a-vis my condition as a person living with the virus. I have been considering what I really want to do with my life and what limits I have to set to ensure that I do not tax my body unnecessarily.

Simultaneous with my efforts to build a strong pool of potential replacements at work, I have been taking entrepreneurship classes whenever I can and exercising my mind to come up with viable business plans.

At this point, these are all plans and proposals, but hey, as Chris Guillebeau once said, two-steps forward, one-step back will eventually take me to the finish line.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


I received a text message from a friend and former officemate around noon middle of the week of the past week.

Friend was asking if we could meet up after work. The kaladkarin that I am, I easily said "yes".

However, since I had an earlier appointment that day after work, I told Friend that I would be available after 9pm.

My earlier appointment ended a bit late. So I immediately texted Friend and informed her that I was on my way to meet her.

We met at Megamall about 15 minutes after 9pm. Since Megamall was about to close, she asked if I wanted to go to McDonald's at El Pueblo and I said "sure".

On our way to El Pueblo, she dialled her phone and spoke to someone and said "parating na kami".

That should have been warning enough but I let it pass.

At McDo, we were joined by an acquiantance and another stranger.

While we were eating, Stranger and Acquiantance started talking about the supplements they are currently taking and asked me whether I was taking any.

I said was only taking ascorbic acid.

Stranger then began to retrieve from her bag some brochures about the supplements and proceeded to tell me about the "wonders" of these supplements. This went on for about an hour or so.

Somewhere in the middle of her spiel I felt saying something like "eh sa HIV meron ka bang cure?" just to stop her from droning. But I kept my mouth shut and my mind fluttering somewhere else.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I gave the universal sign for "time out" and told her that I was really tired and I had to excuse myself. I told Friend that I would text her and said goodbye.

I haven't texted Friend. I don't have any intention of doing so. It was rude that I was ambushed into listening to a total stranger tell stories about cures and healings of people she did not know personally but learned about in a seminar.

Had she told me about people who's CD4 count rose by 100 points after 6 months of ARV or of people whose viral load results show "undetectable" levels, I would have gladly listened to her for hours! Hell, I would be a happy person had she told me of people who feared they could have contracted HIV but tested negative!

Help Replenish the Global Fund

This is a blog entry from one of the pozzie bloggers that I am following. It provides a link for a sign-up petition sheet to encourage world leaders to continue their financial support for the Global Fund. Read it to find out more about what the petition is all about.

I have already signed-up and have asked my pozzie acquiantances to do the same.

Here is the link to the petition.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Why Resident Evil: Afterlife Reminded Me of My Hollywood Crush

Went to see Resident Evil: Afterlife today with two of my friends.

The lazy movie-goer that I am, I did not bother to find out who played who so I got surprised when I saw Wentworth Miller (of Prison Break fame) playing Chris Redfield.

I never really cared much about Prison Break. And it is still a puzzle to me why people are so hung up with Went Miller. Yeah, he's cute and all but he's just not my type.

Photocredit from Just Jared
There was this rumor, though, that he's gay and that he has dated Luke MacFarlane (of Brothers & Sisters).

Now Luke , on the otherhand, is one of my Hollywood crushes. I mean,  I have only seen him on Brothers & Sisters but he is one of the reasons why I am following that series. He is so adorable and sexy and so "wifey". I love how he's so laidback and so caring and so clingy.

If the rumors about Went and Luke were true - oh how I wish I were Went!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Quiet Space

Finally had the chance to attend my first Yoga for Life session last Wednesday evening.

After a stressful day at work, I was really looking forward to the yoga session that evening. I left the office at 6pm and took the company shuttle from Ayala to Ortigas. We got to Ortigas at quarter to seven, so I decided to drop by a 7-11 store near our Ortigas building. I was only supposed to buy an energy drink which I take when I feel dehydrated but I ended up buying a banana as well. I wasn't really hungry at that time but I thought, "laman tyan din hanggang makapag-dinner". And I was to take my meds at eight pm so I didn't want to take my ARV on an empty stomach.

So there I was walking on the street, bitting on a banana and thinking: "ano kaya nangyayari sa yoga class?" Yes, it was going to be my first yoga session in my entire life, and I was excited!

I got to the room just as the session was about to start so I had to change clothes as fast as I can. I took the farthest mat from the front and listened as the yogi and the yogini addressed the class and welcomed us first timers.

The whole session lasted for almost two hours (I think). I completely lost track of time (good thing, we ended on time, though as I had a "date" afterwards). It was good. For the first time in so many months, I actually felt good sweat (not sweat from heat) running down my body. I felt my entire body was happy. It was tired, yes, but happy nonetheless. I felt that my body had been calling out for this kind of activity for the longest time and it felt gooooooood to finally give in.

What was more important, though, was that I found my quiet place again in the midst of the session. I found a way back to my forest where I can meet once more my naiads and sprites. I found my way back to my well where I can get refreshment. I found my pool again where I can cleanse my spirit.

So, I thank the universe for leading me back. I thank the people who were instrumental to this homecoming. And I thank my myself for taking the most important first step to re-discovery.

I can still feel the tiny aches in some parts of my body as it becomes re-acquianted with itself. But it's all worth it. I will dip in the pool every chance I get. I will commune with life every opportunity I am handed.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Little Angel Who Hang on to Life

I spent the whole day yesterday at the wake of my friend's 4 month old daughter.

She was born pre-maturely. So premature that at the time of her birth, the doctors could not even determine the gender of the baby.

She also had a small mass on her lower back which grew with her as she progressed.

Worst of all, she did not have a hole on her anus, so her body had no way to discharge the waste.

She was a fighter. From the moment she was born, the doctors gave up on her. A pediatric surgeon, however, had the wits to check on her condition. The doctor pulled on her little arms, testing her will to survive. The little baby held her fingers securely as if telling the doctor: "I want to live".

Right there and then, the surgeon decided to operate on her to help her with the most pressing concern, that of providing her little body with a means to discharge body waste.

That was when we first heard about her situation. The management of our company sent out an email blast informing us of our friend's and her baby's conditions (both her parents work in the same company as I do).

That was more than four months ago.

Last week she had another operation. It wasn't a planned operation but her doctors said it was necessary.

She got out of the operation fine. She was stable. She was still fighting on.

A few days after the operation, sepsis began to take over her frail body.

The details of the treatment and her death are not clear to me. I wasn't listening anymore as her mother retold the story of how they fought to keep her alive when her doctors were already quitting on her one by one.

I was already immersed in my own thoughts. In my own fragile mortality. In my own possible end.

But the little girl lying in that little box showed me how it was to fight. To hold on to life to the very end.

Even as my physical body decays and the virus traps me into a life resembling the living dead, I will look up to that little angel who, despite her physical deformities and the hardships she had to endure at a very young age, fought with all her might to live.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I Love Life!

I am following this site called "The Art of Non-Conformity"and recently the writer (Chris Guillebeau) posted this article .

Since having been diagnosed in 2008, I have vowed to live my life to the fullest, knowing that at any moment my health can deteriorate.

However, the demands of work and the lure of a "happy" life with friends most of the time prevent me from keeping this vow.

Sure, I have my meds to keep me strong but for how long? And I have not been living as healthy as I need to be.

It's a good thing that I came across Chris' article.

OO nga naman, who ever came up with that old saying (i.e. if you love something/someone, set it/him/her free) is in love with being hurt.

And I agree with Chris... One has to make an effort to ensure that the thing most important to him/her thrives. It's a daily choice.

So, I re-affirm my vow which I first made when I tested positive: I will live! I will protect my life because I love life.