Finding my Quiet Space

I was finally able to take a much needed vacation last week. We had a two-day off late last week because of the Chinese New Year and I took that chance to fulfill a long-time dream - that of visiting Ilocos, specifically Vigan in Ilocos Sur and Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte.

After more than 10 hours of travel by bus and another 30 minutes of travel by trike to the resort, I was greeted by the cold salty wind coming from the sea. Tired from the travel, I fought the temptation to hit the beach that early (I checked in at around 9am) and tried to get some sleep.

By lunch time, my inner mermaid got the better of me and I decided to check out the water. It was soooo cold! Imagine, I was on the beach from 12 noon to around 3 in the afternoon, with my jacket on! I couldn't even dip my feet in the water.


The wind was strong and waves after waves washed ashore - crest after crest of long waves, frothing and foaming.


I decided to walk along the beach because I saw that the area had a very long coastline.

At one portion of the coastline, I found this quiet little piece of the sea, protected from the waves by the rocks and corals.


Within this quiet area were pools filled with algae, small fish darting through holes in the rocks, white ghost crabs, tiny starfishes and every little creature taking advantage of the lull in the turbulent sea.


I envied these creatures. They have found their quiet space where they can rest, regain their strength and face the troubled lives they were meant to live in the open seas with renewed spirits.


Although I came out of that vacation equipped with the knowledge that the new year was going to be a good one, I still would want to have a constant place to crawl into where I can lick my wounds, heal and come out stronger and wiser.

January is Almost Over

Ang bilis - isang buwan na ang lumipas sa 2011!

And February is just around the corner.

Really excited about February, though. Ang daming naka-plano:

- a well-deserved back-packing 4-day vacation alone way up north
- another musical to look forward to watching
- re-visiting an annual festival somewhere in Central Luzon with friends
- possibly a trip abroad for training



It's going to be a crazy month, definitely, with Valentine's day fast approaching (segue lang).


A friend of mine in FB said sana yung February 14 na lang ang wala sa kalendaro kapag hindi leap year, para every four years na lang sine-celebrate ang Valentine's day.


With a full admission of my bitterness, nag-like ako sa post nya!

Meet Up

Met some pozzies early last week over coffee.

It was my first time to meet with pozzies in a public setting. I was actually ambushed into it but it turned out fun.

We were at the coffee place for well over three hours but it didn't feel that long. As I said it was fun - just sharing stories, seeing these people cracking jokes and exchanging wise-cracks at the expense of one another. Hearing about stories of other pozzies from their treatment hub.

I don't really socialize with other pozzies from my hub. Not that I do not want to. It's just that I feel like they have a different world from mine. Also, when I go to my treatment hub to get my refill of meds, I usually stay in one corner, observing the other pozzies and waiting for my turn. If I see someone I know, I'd give a nod and a smile and that's it.

But these guys from the other treatment hub were so much fun to be with. Maybe because it was ok to slip once in a while about your status without fear of discrimation or not being understood. As I said, it was my first time to socialize with fellow pozzies, so I had reservations. But after a while, I felt at home in their company. I felt normal!

I am glad that I came that evening. Sometimes, it pays to tread the path less taken, to see things with new a set of eyes. I am hoping to see them again one of these days.

Welcome 2011!

Happy New Year to everyone!

What do you say to someone grieving?

Last night I went to a wake. It was that of my best friend's father.

I came there not really knowing what to say. You see, I have that problem. I don't know what to say to someone who had just suffered the loss of a loved one.

"How are you?" - I just find this stupid.

"I am really sorry." - for what?

"My condolences." - too impersonal.

When I got to the chapel, I ended up just giving my best friend a hug. Something that I really do not do often.

But this got me thinking.

When I go, and friends come to my wake (not that I would want to have one), what would they say to the ones I would leave behind?

Pipingutin ko ang sinumang magtanong sa pamilya ko ng "kamusta na po kayo?" o "ok lang po kayo?"!

Pipitikin ko ang ilong ng sinumang magsabi ng "kaya nyo nyan!" o "tibayan nyo loob nyo."!

When 5% Isn't Bad At All

Got my CD4 results last Thursday. The magic numbers are 2-7-6.

Yes, my CD4 count is at 276 from the previous 263 six months ago.

It isn't much. A mere 5% increase from the previous results. But I will gladly take that 5%!

World's AIDS Day - the Yoga For Life Way

December 2008. It was the first World's AIDS Day that I attended. And I swore that it was going to be my last...

Fast forward November 2010. The day before December 1 (Tuesday), I texted our yogi and asked whether it was OK for me to do yoga practice the day before my CD4 extraction. He said it was.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

On December 1, I was called to an emergency meeting scheduled for 6PM. Normally, I would have made a fuss about the timing but I accepted the meeting invite without second thoughts.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

Later that day, the meeting was re-scheduled for 4:30PM and finished a few minutes past 6PM. I left the office quarter past 6. I was expecting to reach Ortigas from Ayala way past 7pm as usually happens.

I was actually trying to make an excuse not to attend another World AIDS Day event.

Lo and behold! No traffic along EDSA! And I made it to Ortigas quarter before 7!

I could not make any more excuse to attend another World AIDS Day event!

And I am glad that all my excuses came to naught.

Filipinos have a saying: "wag kang magsalita ng tapos". And this was proven on the second World AIDS Day that I attended.

I was more than happy that I came. Aside from actually disclosing my "kapusitan", the Yoga for Life activity for WAD gave me a more positive (no pun intended) experience of this event.

One of the things that stuck with me about that evening were the words: "times are changing". And indeed they are.

Gone are the days when WAD is about death and suffering.

What struck me most was that during that WAD celebration, we were actually doing that - CELEBRATING!

Celebrating our own lives - whether positive or negative. Celebrating the lives of those who have gone on ahead of us by living our lives as healthy as they wished they could have had they been given the same chance that we PLWHA are being given now.

I do not regret disclosing my HIV status during that YFL session. It was a step for me in finally accepting my status not just in my mind and heart but in my words as well.

Times are changing indeed.