The Prodigal Ant is Back...

It has been more than a month since my last update - or at least a semblance of an update.

The ant has been busy - and uninspired (or just plain lazy) - for the past weeks. Besides that, nothing eventful really happened.

Well, I did have my birthday last month but even that was not so note-worthy. I started out planning to go out bowling with the family but last minute changes and a sick nephew prevented us from pushing through with it and my parents and I ended up eating out in a mall.

I haven't been going to yoga sessions for well over a month, I guess, and I am starting to feel the weight coming back and the lethargy setting in. I really, really need to get back to working out. Though I've really been taking it slow for quite some time now as I have been beginning to notice asthma attack precursors showing up - due mainly to weather changes and work-related stress.

Speaking of work, it hasn't been rosy at the work place either. I had to make major man-power decisions and is looking at making another this week. All these aside from the numerous reports, process monitoring, performance evaluation, training development & implementation and other non-work-essential-but-work-related projects.

On the flip side, though, I have gained some headway on my comic collection - what with the recent opening of a local online comic book store. Truly, a boon from the gods - and a bane to my savings account!

Which is actually why I am sitting on the fence with regards to moving on and quitting my job at this point. No job at this time means no extra money for X-Men, Ultimates, Justice League and Birds of Prey. Sigh - the things one has to consider to make life more interesting.

And in a few more days, Christmas will be upon us - and the SMAP, or Samahang Malaming ang Pasko (which I am currently the Mother Superior of), will have its annual retreat. Oh, how I would love to not be a member of this group this year! Any takers?

So, I've pretty much covered updating the more important aspects of my life on this post.

Hopefully, something good and exciting is brewing up just around the corner for the next few days or weeks before we finally say goodbye to 2011 and say hello to 2012.

So, the Ant is back... for now...

No to Stigma

Please read the story on the link below

http://bepositive-ph.tumblr.com/post/6552688352/stories-of-stigma-keith

Confronting My Own Damaso




Photocredit from gmanews.tv

 

Last week, words like "RH Bill", Damaso, ex-communication and Carlos Celdran were thrown around in newspapers, newscast and blogs.

I am not going to make a commentary on the RH Bill here. Neither am I going to defend nor condemn Celdran's actions.

What I want to talk about is fear, my fears - past and present.

It took me a long time to finally come out of my shell and embrace my true nature because I was afraid of what my family, friends and colleagues will say if they find about my preferences.

It was fear that led me to dark bath houses and bars for anonymous sex and eyeballs for no-strings-attached one-night-stands with strangers. I was afraid of commitments. I was afraid of being dumped and left alone.

It was fear that prevented me from getting tested for HIV even when I knew I was at high risk of contracting the disease. I was afraid of what I might do (or not do) should I test positive. I was afraid of the stigma.

It was fear of dying with an unknown disease which rendered me incapacitated for months that finally led me to give a consent to the HIV test suggested by my doctor.

And it was also fear that forced me to tell my parents about my sexuality and the possibility of me having HIV - I was afraid that if they found out they'd cast me out and I'd be left alone, dying on my own. Some would say it was courage. But I knew better. I wanted to know whether they'd accept me if they knew who and what I really was. My plan was if they didn't accept me, I'd leave and go to an out-of-the-way place, curl up and wait for death to come and take me.

But in hindsight, I would have been in a better situation had I learned to walk in fear, not out of fear. It would have made me more careful. I could have found the right person. I would not have the virus now.

And yet, all these are "would haves" and "could haves".

Now I face new fears. Will I allow myself again to be led in fear, or will I stand and stare Fear in the face and say "Bring it on!"

Carlos Celdran had it right. Stand up despite of fear. Speak up inspite of the threat of being left all alone in the world.

For if I don't stand up and speak for myself, no one else will. And I will truly be alone.

What makes a throne

Went to Megamall this afternoon to buy, of all things, a toilet seat. Yes, a toilet seat.

My brothers and I were supposed to buy one last Monday at Ace Hardware. However, I found out that it wasn't as easy as going to a rack and pointing to one that catches your fancy.

No, one has to know the dimensions of the toilet! I never imagined that something as mundane as a toilet bowl had standard dimensions to follow and that buying the wrong seat could spell the difference between comfort and disaster!

So, before going out on a toilet seat hunt, I asked my brother to measure the bowl. 14" x 18". Fair enough.

Armed with this information, we headed once more to Ace Hardware to purchase a seat.

Then the real dilemma began. Are we buying the hinge-less seat or the slow-close one? Which color to buy? And what about the price? Does a higher price ensure more comfort?

After some discussion, we settled for a standard, "universal", white seat. I would have wanted the soft, beige one but the only design available was one with a huge butterfly "embroidery" on the canvass cover. Too "bohemian" for our taste.

Lesson learned: never take toilet seats for granted - they are the ones that give dignity to our "thrones"!